At 410 words, the good paragraph might be a bit long, but the length is revealing. Why is the good paragraph longer than the bad paragraph? Its not simply because the writer has added more words but instead because the writer is attempting to argue a point with evidence and explanation. You will probably find it difficult to reach the minimum number of words for your papers if you present nothing more than a series of claims; you will probably find it difficult to keep your papers under 1000 words if you develop and support your ideas thoroughly.
Something Else to Consider
I wrote the bad paragraph without even looking at the story. I didnt need to look at the story just to write a series of claims. However, as I wrote the good paragraph, I not only had the book open, but I was marking passages that I felt could be used as part of my argument. Developing and supporting ideas well requires more work and more thought than writing a bunch of claims. This helps explain one of the reasons for low grades on those papers where ideas are not supported and developed.
Why is this a Good Paragraph?
The writer of this paragraph uses ample evidence to support the claims presented in the paragraph, and the writer also attempts to explain how each piece of evidence is logically supporting some claim. In addition, the writer has limited the number of claims in the paragraph, presenting only one primary claim and a few secondary claims (explained below). The writer also stays focused on one main idea throughout the paragraph, beginning and ending the paragraph with a statement of this main idea.
The most common critique made of New Labour is that its economic policy is extremely close to that of Thatcherism. Indeed, when in power the party adopted a neoliberal policy more sympathetic to business and the financial sector, which radically differed from the interventionist stance of 'Old Labour' (Heath et al, 2001). For instance, the government followed the Conservatives' taxation plan for the first two years and afterwards kept tax rates relatively low. In addition, under Brown's government priority was given to controlling inflation rather than ensuring employment, and such decisions seem more favorable to the richer than the average citizens (Hill, 1998). As Kitson and Wilkinson (2007) state, the adoption of an open market and a capitalist market-driven economy contribute to increased inequalities and deepen the gap between the rich and the poor. If New Labour does not respond to this, then it is arguably less socialist than it has been in the past.
A Poorly-written Essay - Writing a Five-Paragraph Essay
To finish off the process, our experienced writers will offer detailed commentary about the changes we've made and any suggestions we have for overall improvement to the voice, cohesiveness and flow of the essay.
Poorly Written Essay - 1104 Words
Our writers are expert at filtering through the extensive information in your questionnaire and weeding out the relevant facts for use in your model scholarship application essay.
Poorly Written Communication Essay
Using your personal information, and details about the requirements of the scholarships for which you are applying, our writers are able to draft an application essay suited directly to your requirements.
Well written or poorly written paragraphs ? Now look at the following three paragraphs, and decide if they are well written according to British academic style.At the second continental congress the resolution passed and on June 11, 1776 a five-man committee led by Thomas Jefferson was established to write the Declaration of Independence.
Poorly written essays - FATZ SolsThe writer of the bad paragraph needs to reduce the number of claims in the paragraph and to present "abundant" support for the claims that remain, as in the example below.
Essays poorly-written essay admissions essays, and findWhy is this a Bad Paragraph?
The assignment called for a persuasive paragraph, and this paragraph fails miserably in this regard. The reason is that there is no argument at all presented in the paragraph. Instead, the writer has simply written a series of claims with no supporting evidence whatsoever. In other words, there are no facts from the story presented in the paragraph to convince readers that any of the claims are believable.